Several years ago I never imagined I'd be talking about DIVORCE! Truth be told, I am anti-divorce!
When I got married, I never thought I'd end up separating, much less divorcing. I mean after all, saying I DO should be forever, right? But as life would have it—it happened. And at the time, my boys, almost grown, were still living at home.
Divorce, for us, although amicable, was bittersweet. Divorce is never a good thing, especially when kids are involved. As much as we tried to keep our daily home life peaceful and happy, we had our downfalls; we hit a lot of rough patches, as expected with divorce.
But when I look back now—those were some of the times that made us stronger. It's hard to put an explanation into words, but it really did make us stronger—as a family and as individuals.
It's been almost 9 years now and things have actually turned out quite well.
Not by my doing but by God's doing. I give Him all the glory.
And even though we were all tested and put through the fire, we survived.
GET READY: MOMMA IS ABOUT TO BRAG
My oldest son is a Grammy nominated music producer and entrepreneur. My youngest son graduated with his Masters from Texas A&M University, with a degree in Finance. Both strong-willed in the entrepreneur lane.
I am genuinely the proud mother of two amazing boys who endured heartbreak at the hands of divorce—but perservered. Together they have expanded their successful careers into many upcoming projects including VISIONARY PLAYGROUND, a full-service creative agency out of Dallas, Texas—working with music, photography, design & film, to name a few.
YES, IT'S A HUMBLE BRAG AND WE COULDN'T HAVE SUCCEEDED WITHOUT GOD.
Sometimes I look at them, as I hear them interact, and all I see are two little boys—I once knew as my babies—that have grown into wise, Godly men. And although the impact they felt through the divorce may have been tough, at times, they knew it was only temporary; they were both wise enough to understand that, and persevere. And I thank God for that strength!
As for me and my ex, after 18 years of marriage, he and I came to an agreement early on, which in itself was a blessing. He didn't fight me and I didn't fight him. We knew it was over.
You see, together, he and I begin life very early. We were young parents; he was 17 and I was 18. In essence, we were babies, raising babies.
I'm a firm believer that who you are at 17 & 18 is not who you will be in your 40's ...and for us, we grew up, and sadly, we also grew apart.
By 2008 we were both ready to move forward. I can't speak for him, but for me, during that time, I finally felt free for the first time in almost 20 years. Not because of him, but because I was about to embark on a new life, a new chapter. A life that I was so ready for.
TODAY, HE AND I ARE GREAT FRIENDS.
We actually get along better now than we ever have. We didn't make it as a couple but we make one heck of a co-parenting team. And truth be told, there is nothing I wouldn't do for him and I know he would do the same.
The boys have great relationships with both of us, in fact, we even get along with his girlfriend. *sorry to disappoint you but if you were looking for drama and cat-fights, you won't find it here.
Some people may think it's crazy—you know—to befriend the ex and his new love interest, but I'm actually ok with it. I happen to think she's an amazing woman and I get along great with her. My boys think the world of her and she loves my boys—and as a mom, that's all I want.
And here's why...
After the divorce, I made an early decision to continue to put my kids first. I didn't care how old my boys were—they are and always will be first in my life. Before any man, before anything, before anyone, my children are my priority.
For me, my EX was just an ex; but for my boys, HE IS THEIR DAD, and they love him unconditionally... and because of that, I refuse to ever hurt him, in any way... because I'd be hurting my boys too.
So instead, I chose peace and understanding and put all indifferences aside. And he did too. I guess you can say that was part of growing up.
I thank God for giving us wisdom, understanding and peace within us. We are a tight bond, thanks to God, and we always will be so long as we keep God as the foundation of our family.
Our lives are not perfect but one thing divorced parents should always remember is this:
Hurting each other whether verbally, mentally, physically or emotionally only hurts and affects the kids.
Be a selfless parent; put your children first! LOVE your children more than you hate their dad.