...is not, the one that got away!
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a situation where you have to stop and ask: "What am I doing here?"
In twenty-thirteen I met this guy—and while his name is really not relevant, it may useful throughout my story, so we'll call him "Joe"; for the sake of privacy.
"Joe" is a Texas-bred, well-known disc jockey in a city known for its beautiful riverwalk. Initially, he and I acquainted through Twitter—and before you start casting stones about the internet, think again.
Several years back I too was a social media skeptic, so I get it! I questioned friendships, acquaintances and even possible love interests. I mean, it's not possible to find friends over Twitter, right? ...wrong! In fact, I happen to know people, some even close to me, who have met through social media and are genuinely great friends; some even married. So I am officially debunking the myth that it can't happen. However, don't misconstrue my words, you still have to be extremely cautious with whom you give your time to over the internet. But overall, it is possible to meet great people over a tweet. I know I have. And to this day, we are all good friends!
BUT LET'S GET BACK TO "JOE".
"Joe" is the type of man who knows what he wants and most of time gets it. He works extremely hard and everything he has, he's worked for. He's responsible and never lazy, in fact he works several jobs. He's the type of man that will do whatever it takes to succeed. The word NO, is never an option for him—unless he's the one saying it.
He doesn't mind getting his feet wet and his hands dirty. He has a good life. He's strong-willed and takes crap, from no one. He's stubborn, very stubborn, but dedicated to his work, HE IS. And although he and I don't date anymore, I always told him he was a tough nut to crack. According to him, I never figured him out; I never cracked the shell. At least that's what he said, so I let him think that.
Both he and I are two very strong-minded people so I know how it works. But I also know that—deep down inside, he really has a soft spot for people, especially family, kids and animals. I can't explain to you in words how sweet he was with me, but I know.
My car broke down once, in the middle of nowhere, between Austin and San Antonio. It was early in the morning and as I waited for my insurance co. to send a tow truck he was on the phone with me. Keep in mind he was on-air during one of his weekly morning shows. He kept me company while playing promos, shuffling through commercials, talking to callers and his co-host, and doing his regular spiel, all at the same time. Wouldn't you know that I sat in my car for almost 3 hours waiting for a tow truck—and for 3 hours he stayed on the phone with me, making sure I was ok.
Another time, I dropped my new iPhone on the ground and shattered the face, the first words out of his mouth, without hesitation, "Let me buy you a knew one."
He comes across—you know the type that acts manly and macho, tough and heartless—that's his public persona. But secretly, he's a kind soul, that's the man I fell for. That's the private side I gravitated to. I didn't care about his gigs, or his title. I could care less about what he did for a living; and I told him that all the time.
HOLD ON, IT GETS BETTER!
As for his career, "Joe" is a full-time DJ for a very popular station in his touristy town. He's been at it so long, I'd categorize him a seasoned veteran. He's met a lot of people along the way, made a lot of friends, maybe a few frenemies but definitely a lot of women. And that, my friends, is where my story really begins.
So I spent the better half of this post telling you some of the good things about "Joe". But there has to be a downside too, otherwise he'd be perfect and we'd PROBABLY still be together.
So here goes...
The issue I had with "Joe" wasn't about him, per say; my issue with "Joe" was that he was a DJ.
Being a DJ, a well-known one at that, brings many perks. Free passes to everything and by everything, that includes women; short, tall, blonde, brunette, single, taken and even the married ones, women loved him! Always calling, always texting, they didn't care—and he loved it too!
"Joe" expects a woman, he dates, to understand his life (a.k.a. the perks) and be ok with it; his words, not mine.
He expects a woman to understand that dealing with "other women" is part of "his job", his words, not mine.
And if you aren't ok with that, in his eyes, that makes you insecure, his words, not mine.
HATE TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE MR. DJ BUT YOU ARE FULL OF CRAP!
Note to women: For some reason, men seem to think it's ok to treat women so disrespectful. The nerve some men have, asking a good woman, they date, to quietly act secure and be understanding to other women—for his sake. Shameful if you ask me. And stupid if you do it ladies!
Nonetheless, I do think of him every now and then; we had good times. He and I were extremely close at one point. And although we had a deep connection, I would never date him again.
They say some people come into your life as a lesson, and that's exactly what he was. A hard one at that because I fell for him. I fell for the real him, not the on-air personality.
Toward the end, he had become arrogant. He acted cocky and hard-nosed and although he denied it, he was a bit ego-inflated.
He was toxic for me and that in itself was very exhausting.
WOULD I EVER DATE ANOTHER DJ AGAIN?
Maybe—I don't know—probably not, NO!
I know it's not fair to judge all, by one. It's like saying all women are the same; we're not. But I do know how women are. And when it comes to a good looking DJ—female fans—even the married ones—gravitate to the man behind the mic.
So if I ever find myself, again, in the middle of a situation where I have to stop and ask: "What am I doing here?" I now know, I'm in the wrong story.